I worked as a Yellow Page consultant for nearly 25 years, and before that ran an advertising agency. Over those three decades, I met with many husband and wife teams. The small business was, and still is, the backbone of the directory business. I got to observe the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being in a relationship, whether as a marriage or a business, a partnership can bring out the best and the worst in people. I don’t think that a business arrangement can save or improve a bad marriage. But it can certainly put a strain on one.

During my tenure, most of the time the man was the boss. The wife was the accountant, junior partner, advisor, or vice-president. But, although I met with the husband, the wife always seemed to have the last word. He would begin to make an advertising decision and then she would overrule it. This wasn’t always the case, but it turned out that way more often than not. I witnessed physical fights, intimidation, name-calling, verbal or mental abuse, power plays, and general discontent. I frequently got the front row seat to a “brawl in the hall” or the “doom in the room” and therefore it wasn’t pretty.

That’s not to say that all couples fought. Some were relatively compatible and still used subtle ways to get their points across. I noticed that the older ones tended to battle less. Perhaps it was because they knew each other longer and better. But even with them, there was still this struggle to maintain control. I watched several divorces born from this atmosphere of conflict and progress toward an inevitable outcome. Later, they would split up and divide the business. One gentleman kept his share and had to offer his wife a massive buyout. Another situation had the man leaving with all the firm’s accounts, letting his wife keep just the business name. Another split the business and each had to cope with half the accounts and half the bills. Each got a new business name as they dissolved the original company.

I used to advise my accounts that partnerships were destined to fail, whether they were husband and wife or friend and associate. My belief was based on observations and some personal experience. I saw businesses where one partner did well more than half the work, yet equally divided the profits. I rarely saw a partnership where each owner did their fair share. There was almost inevitably hard feelings because of this inequality of labor. Someone began to complain about the other shirking responsibility, coming in late, not following up at all, or placing personal commitments ahead of the business. In a marriage, it’s much tougher to cope with.

The husband or wife has to go home with that person. So, if they criticize their work habits on the job, that negative action follows them back into their house, and eventually, into the bedroom. So you can imagine the fireworks there. It’s a tricky balancing act. Who is the head person in the business and who follows orders? Who has the final say and who has the right to question the verdicts that will guide the company? When do you realize that it’s not working out and which one will decide that it’s for the best interest of the firm for one to step down? It’s rather like the results of a divorce . Instead of children and property to split, there are assets, perhaps stocks, inventory, and the corporation itself at risk. Who gains and who loses?

So, am I saying that a husband and wife team can’t run a business? Well, I have some qualifications to make such a judgment. My wife and I run a web-site business and have for over two years. She is the founder and CEO and I man the marketing director. She has the final say unless she is wrong. How do I know when she is wrong? Well, she hasn’t made a bad decision yet so she is never wrong and I am smart enough to know that. She and I would never do anything to jeopardize the business. She created the original business plan we follow and I use my marketing background to design the web pages, implement the media, and do online promotions. Because the site provides health information and she is an RN with a Masters degree, she has the expertise in that field. I recognize her strong points and she does mine. We try not to argue, but rather, we discuss and yes, there is a difference. We must agree on every aspect and that’s not always easy, but it is necessary. We realize that our business has the potential to be very profitable and have had the patience to take our time to do things right. We’ve already made many mistakes, but we’re learning. So, if you have a business partner that’s also your spouse, then take a tip from me. Love your business, but love each other first. That’s the real bottom line for both relationships.